Mentoring Blog

Taking Feedback Constructively

By Christian Knutson, P.E.

When you enter into a mentoring relationship you do so for self-improvement and to get another point of view. As part of the relationship, you and your mentor will analyze your thinking, planning, and activities as a means to improve your performance and move you closer to achieving your goals. Along with this will come feedback. How you take the feedback will determine how successful you make the mentoring relationship.

To keep from getting hurt when you begin taking feedback, there are some key things to remember.

All feedback is valid from the mentor’s perspective. For example, let's say your mentor tells you that they don’t think you’re applying yourself hard enough in a particular area or that you should re-evaluate how you will approach a particular problem on which you feel very strongly. Before you react, discuss with your mentor what they see, or don’t see, from their vantage point. Find out what, from their experience, leads them to their perspective.

Disregard the judgmental aspects of feedback and address issues that can be beneficial to you. In effect, separate you from the feedback. Every feedback has some take-away point you can benefit from. Put aside your ego and listen for the lesson from the feedback.

Keep your mind open to all viewpoints. Remember that all forms of feedback are opportunities to learn. If you adopt the attitude that says, "I want to know if I have blind spots or shortfalls," then you will gain much from your mentor’s views.

Avoid taking a defensive position when feedback is leveled at you. Don’t say, "How could you say such a thing?" or "I can’t believe you would say that." These statements will discourage honesty in the future, the very thing you’re looking for from the relationship.

As a final take-away, always remember that you voluntarily entered into the mentoring relationship. Relish the feedback. It gives you a glimpse inside who you are and can only make you better if taken constructively.

Lack of Knowledge or Motivation?

By Christian Knutson, P.E.

Throughout our engineering career we will be faced with obstacles. Challenges that seem to loom very large and appear to keep us from reaching what we’ve identified as our desired goal. It might be completion of our undergraduate degree, obtaining our PE, or working on a particular type of project. If left unaddressed, the obstacle might loom so large that it eclipses the spark of light that drove us to seek the goal in the first place. When this happens, you need to ask yourself if the obstacle is due to a lack of knowledge or motivation?

If you’re stymied in reaching your goal due to a lack of knowledge, then there’s an easy fix: gain the knowledge. You can gain it through more self-study or enlisting the help of a teacher, tutor, or mentor. Your natural talent may lack in a particular area, but given enough effort and time, you’ll develop the knowledge needed. You can overcome the lack of knowledge and hence, overcome the obstacle.

If you’re held-up due to a lack of motivation, then it’s time to do some serious self-inspection. Why? What’s caused you to lose the motivation to achieve the goal that you began seeking with high motivation? Is it because you sought after a goal simply because others sought it, and like a lemming, you were compelled to do the same? Or is it because you didn’t do enough homework in advance to realize that it’s a goal you truly don’t care about achieving? Or is it because you took on more than you can handle? In any case, you need to come clean with yourself and drop the goal. Or come clean with yourself and reignite the fire. In either case, make an honest decision and move on.

On the hard goals in your life, only lack of knowledge or lack of motivation will keep you from achievement. Figure out which one that’s holding your back and take action to fix it. As Vince Lombardi so aptly put it: “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.”

NSPE member Chris Knutson, P.E., PMP, is a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Air Force with over 18 years of leadership and management experience in the United States, Europe, and the Middle East. He’s also the author of The Engineer Leader blog; you can read more at www.engineerleader.com.

Listening for Effect

By Christian Knutson, P.E.

Growing up, I was continually reminded by parents and teachers that I was provided with two ears and one mouth-better that I listen twice as much as I speak. Later as I entered college and then the Air Force, I realized that this wisdom from my elders had deeper meaning than simply to open up my ears and keep my mouth closed. The deeper meaning was this: listening is more than simply hearing and not talking. It’s focusing your mind and your attention on the person with whom you’re communicating. It’s about listening for effect.

As you go about your day in conversations with anyone, how much are you listening versus hearing? A day doesn’t go by where I don’t have a conversation with someone who is hearing me, but not listening. You can see it in the way they stand...their body language...their eyes constantly scanning behind you for someone or thing...the iPhone conspicuously placed on the table when you’re having a discussion. All clues that they may be hearing, but may not be listening. And as you read this, you may realize you do the same from time to time.

Listening for effect, or active listening, takes you above simply hearing what is being said. When listening for effect, your mind is singularly focused, your attention, your eyes, and your ears decisively on the person with whom you’re conversing. In so doing, you give the other person a very valuable item-your attention. In return, you gain respect, understanding, and additional experience that will allow you to listen for effect in every situation.

The benefits of listening for effect at school is a deeper understanding of the subject material. In business, stronger relationships with clients. With your family and friends, a deeper connection. In your mentoring relationships, a stronger bond with your mentor and a greater grasp of the lessons imparted. As John Marshall has stated: "Listening well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well."

NSPE member Chris Knutson, P.E., PMP, is a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Air Force with over 18 years of leadership and management experience in the United States, Europe, and the Middle East. He’s also the author of The Engineer Leader blog; you can read more at www.engineerleader.com.