Taking Feedback Constructively
By Christian Knutson, P.E.
When you enter into a mentoring relationship you do so for self-improvement and to get another point of view. As part of the relationship, you and your mentor will analyze your thinking, planning, and activities as a means to improve your performance and move you closer to achieving your goals. Along with this will come feedback. How you take the feedback will determine how successful you make the mentoring relationship.
To keep from getting hurt when you begin taking feedback, there are some key things to remember.
All feedback is valid from the mentor’s perspective. For example, let's say your mentor tells you that they don’t think you’re applying yourself hard enough in a particular area or that you should re-evaluate how you will approach a particular problem on which you feel very strongly. Before you react, discuss with your mentor what they see, or don’t see, from their vantage point. Find out what, from their experience, leads them to their perspective.
Disregard the judgmental aspects of feedback and address issues that can be beneficial to you. In effect, separate you from the feedback. Every feedback has some take-away point you can benefit from. Put aside your ego and listen for the lesson from the feedback.
Keep your mind open to all viewpoints. Remember that all forms of feedback are opportunities to learn. If you adopt the attitude that says, "I want to know if I have blind spots or shortfalls," then you will gain much from your mentor’s views.
Avoid taking a defensive position when feedback is leveled at you. Don’t say, "How could you say such a thing?" or "I can’t believe you would say that." These statements will discourage honesty in the future, the very thing you’re looking for from the relationship.
As a final take-away, always remember that you voluntarily entered into the mentoring relationship. Relish the feedback. It gives you a glimpse inside who you are and can only make you better if taken constructively.
NSPE member Chris Knutson, P.E., PMP, is a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Air Force with over 18 years of leadership and management experience in the United States, Europe, and the Middle East. He’s also the author of The Engineer Leader blog; you can read more at www.engineerleader.com.
