Creating Realistic Expectations
Entering into a mentoring relationship, like embarking on a new goal or learning a new skill, requires realistic expectations. Too often the relationship starts without any expectations being established, leading to frustration on both the part of the mentor and the mentee. When this happens, the relationship can fall apart simply because there was no established framework within which to measure outcomes. All of this can be avoided if time is invested up front in establishing realistic expectations about the relationship.
The process of establishing expectations is very close to establishing goals, and in fact, often takes place at the same time without us realizing it. Expectations are the bars we set, along with the goal, that dictate what we assume or anticipate about a relationship or a goal we’re working towards. For example, we expect that a challenging goal, like earning our PE, will take hours of dedicated study. We also may expect that a mentoring relationship with a firm principal will give us inside wisdom on how to shape our career to achieve their same level of success.
In creating realistic expectations for the mentoring relationship:
Set your expectations high and keep them there. If you expect much, you’ll often receive much. If you enter into a mentoring relationship expecting nothing to come of it, that’s exactly what you’ll get.
Identify the purpose of the mentoring relationship. Is the relationship for career advancement? Technical skills or research assistance? Life in general? Clarify the relationship type up front so both parties know what’s expected of them in content.
Specify the mechanics of the relationship. These are the “administrative” aspects of the relationship - how often you’ll communicate, when, what method, and for how long. Specifying these expectations allow you and the mentor to know workload expectations.
Understand that you’ll have to do your own push-ups. The mentoring relationship is about imparting wisdom, not about relieving you of doing your own work. While you may learn much from the relationship that can help you in your career and life, the knowledge won’t be of any use unless you do something with it.
Establishing realistic expectations on the front end of a mentoring relationship is the best way to maximize the gains for both parties. As stated by the French writer A. Godin, “The quality of our expectations determines the quality of our actions.” Likewise, the quality of our expectations about a mentoring relationship will determine the quality of the relationship.
